Thirty Four Minute Story
by Star0307
Summary: I wrote this at three twenty three in the morning after watching the midnight showing of Harry Potter. Rated for adult themes and language.


Hello! I wrote this story very VERY early in the morning, so I've decided to share its craziness with you. Of course, it's a B/V get together because that's the only thing I'm capable of writing. This is exactly what I wrote:

Just so you guys know, I'm writing this at three twenty-three in the morning in pen using only the light from my closet to write. I went to a candle party at seven thirty, then, from there, I went directly to a friend's house and we all went to see a midnight showing of Harry Potter. I just got back and I'm writing this to see how crazy it is in the morning.

* * *

"Vegeta," Bulma barked, "get your ass over here!"

"Jesus, woman," he retorted, "can't a man masturbate in peace?"

"Ew, no! Get here right now!" Vegeta courteously washed and dried his hands before he walked over to his hostess.

"What do you want NOW?"

"I'm having a small party tonight and I want you on your best behavior."

"What do you mean, 'best behavior'?"

"You have to cut back on swearing, obscene gestures and you have to wear this," she said as she held up a pair of TIGHT jeans and a paper-thin pink shirt that said 'real men wear pink'.

"And what do I get in return?"

"You bastard! I'm giving you a good bed, decent meals and your godforsaken GR!"

As she tried to take some calming breaths, Vegeta stroked his chin and thought, 'If I only had a goatee this would look way better.' Aloud, he said, "I accept your offer. A good bed, a decent meal, and the GR."

Bulma heaved a sigh of relief and said, "Okay, the party starts in thirty minutes. Go on and get dressed!"

Exactly thirty minutes later, Vegeta was STILL trying to pull on the super-tight jeans. He finally managed to fit them over his legs, but he couldn't zipper or button them because they were so tight.

"Fine," he said at last, "it doesn't REALLY matter." He pulled the pink shirt over his head and it immediately shredded when he walked to the door on account of his gigantic and sexy muscles. "Oh well. At least I'm clean."

Vegeta walked down the stairs to attend the party he was already late for.

"And this is our new music box house set. Listen!" The candle consultant opened the box and the song "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" played. The gorgeous, half naked Saiyan Prince walked in at this point and said, "Christmas? But it's only September! You people are all nuts."

No one replied because they were mesmerized by his heavenly bod. One girl even fainted.

Bulma wasn't looking at his body, though. She was looking at the ruined shirt. "Vegeta, you RUINED it!" she screamed. All of the other conscious women murmured 'Vegeta' as they stared at the sex god before them.

"What do you mean 'you ruined it'?" I ruined nothing!" He put his fists on his hips, and as he did so, his jeans shredded, too. He was standing completely naked in front of a group of women. One more fainted but the rest gasped in ecstasy.

Bulma's eyes were gigantic. "Vegeta, why aren't you wearing any underwear?"

"I couldn't fit these pants on with my underwear on, too!" He sniffed the air suddenly. "What smells like dryer lint?"

Although in an advanced state of shock that rivaled a coma, the candle consultant spoke up. "It's called 'calm spring'," she stated matter-of-factly.

"Well, it smells like dryer lint." He walked out of the room.

"Vegeta," Bulma called, "where are you going?"

"To use the GR you promised me." So he went outside, made an old lady faint at the sight of his manliness, and began to train.

After fifty-three hours of hard-core training, Vegeta felt the need to eat, even though he was above such petty things as food. He walked into CC and shouted for that annoying woman. What was her name again…Bikini? Bloomers? No, Bulma!

When he called, she walked casually into the room and screamed. "Vegeta, you STILL don't have any clothes on!"

"Shut up and make me food."

Still overwhelmed by his appearance, she obeyed silently and cooked him a meal fit for thirty-one kings on a binge.

When Vegeta finished eating in a record two minutes and fifty-three seconds, he pushed himself away from the table and said, "Now I believe I'll take you up on that offer of a good bed."

Bulma pointed up the stairs and said, "It's up there waiting."

Vegeta frowned at this news. "You said you would give me a good bed, so let's get it on!"

Bulma stared at him for a split second, gave him the once-over and shrugged. "Why the hell not?"

FIN!

* * *

It is now three fifty seven on the dot. Top of the morning to you! I'm going to sleep now before I pass ou—(passes out) 


End file.
